The Farthest Wave: Scars On Skin

Scars On Skin

September 3, 2006

Dedicated to all those who can only watch while a loved one suffers

Like boiling water poured on your body,
Your skin is blistered and red.
There will be scars where once was tender skin.

I see you cry and shudder and shake
As pain I cannot begin to understand
Wracks your small frame.

I want to touch you, to comfort you,
But you cringe under threat of more pain,
Pain so severe that death seems sweeter than life.

I ache to hold you in my arms,
To protect you from the cruel world.
But blisters and raw nerves
Make you scream even at my gentle touch.

I long to be your hero,
To save you from everything.
But I am powerless, no hero.
No hero, I am only me.

Didn't I tell you not to leave my side,
Or I'd jump in to drag you back?
Failing that
I'll follow you.

You may have scars on your skin,
But what is that, so long as your heart still beats?
Scars on skin can't hide beauty within.
Scars on skin cannot hide your heart.

Poems Table of Contents

Background:

This poem was difficult to write for many reasons. I had much to say, but didn't know how to say it. I reached deep inside myself to pull these words out. My wife recently came down with shingles, a disease that I knew by name, but the symptoms of which I had no prior knowledge. The illness is ruthless, causing a rash and blisters that rapidly spread across a good portion of one's torso, causing almost unbearable pain through inflammation of a nerve that serves the portion of the body on which the rash occurs. At the time that I wrote the poem I was convinced that my wife would have scars over a good portion of her body, but that is not a certainty. At any rate, a side effect of the disease is depression, because there is no good way to treat the stabbing pain, hour after hour, day after day, for weeks, and sometimes months (or longer). It isn't surprising if the victim entertains thoughts that death may be sweeter than life after a round of struggling with this disease. I found, to my surprise, that nearly everyone around me also knew someone who had experienced shingles, so it really is a prevalent, but never-talked-about, disease. And there were a few moments during this episode when I didn't know if she would survive. This was the first time since I've known her that she was not able to defeat an illness with sheer willpower, so I had my first experience as a nurse, and I had plenty of reason to question my competence, though in the end I succeeded, more or less.